Making a Pivot
Today is the last day of August and it was 35 years ago this month that I met Lee Gaupp. As I think about where I am now and where I have been, it is good to take time to pause and remember.
At the beginning of May I sensed there would be a shift in a couple areas of my life, you know, the small day to day stuff where I spent my energy. But, I was unprepared for what actually happened the next month. On my birthday in June, the love of my life left this world and stepped into his abundant life—it was Lee’s heavenly birthday. It completely shook me mentally, emotionally and physically. But even in this state of shock, the Lord was able to speak to my heart. He said, “What you thought was a shift, is really a pivot.”
What do you mean pivot?
Immediately the physical aspect of a choreographed pivot came to mind and how one foot lifts up to make the turn while the other foot stays planted. As my mind was scrambling, God spoke to my heart again, “Your feet have been planted and anchored securely in Me, but now I am pivoting you for My purpose. You will feel unstable as you have to uproot a foot to make the turn. But you are still planted securely in Me.”
the desperate heart-to-heart…
I said, “I don’t want this. I do not know how my life will work without Lee. I don’t make sense without Him. He makes everything work!”
He gently said, “You have trained for this.”
“Whoa, what do you mean? No I haven’t!” I cried.
The Lord said, “It is the same thing you have been doing, but a different terrain. Keep on, as you have learned to do in your other trials. Everything you have gleaned from those experiences you apply here. I am leading you. You are not alone.”
While I’m still having trouble believing this happened, I am reflecting on how many times God has shown Himself faithful in my life. And I am determined to trust Him.
remembering the past to rally my trust…
God has led me throughout my life. This became more clear as I graduated from High school and left home to take my first big leap of faith out on my own. God had told me to boldly obey Him and He would be a match-maker for me, little did I know it would be so soon.
It all started with my big brother, Rick. If he hadn’t moved to Florida after he graduated and worked for Derek Prince Ministries Publishing, he wouldn’t have sent me the book called God is a Matchmaker. I read the book and it doubled down my desire to trust God to be my matchmaker. It was the end of my junior year of high school. The desire was rooted in my heart not to settle for 2nd best, but to wait for the one that was intended for me. I decided I would take bold leaps of faith to follow whatever direction I was supposed to go. I began to pray for my mate as I drove to school in the morning, well either that or listen to all the latest hits on the radio.
my faith to ask…
I was 16, and I remember saying things like, “if it’s someone I already know or even if I haven’t met him yet, ignite His heart and let him have a radical encounter with you. Bring Him into maturity so I wouldn’t just be the spiritual leader in our home. Later we found out that it was the same time I was praying that Lee had an encounter with Jesus, he was all alone in his dorm room. It altered his life and changed his academic course. If not for this, we never would have met.
the faith-action that led to an amazing life with lee…
I remember how suddenly Lee and I met when I drove from Boise down to Pensacola at 18 for college and now realize that the word visceral, his favorite word to describe his relationship with meeting Jesus, also describes his impact on my life. From the very beginning to the last moment we had together on this side of heaven, he overwhelmed and impacted all my senses with his response of love from every fiber of himself and his self-sacrificing commitment of care for me. And I am SO grateful because God was our perfect matchmaker.
Life is not easy, that is for certain. But God is good. I know this well. He has sustained me during times I didn’t know if I would make it. He has been present with me in my darkest night. If you have been through thick and thin in your relationship with God the Father, then you must have memories you can pause and remember too. He loves to give us good gifts and He cares about what concerns us.
yielding everything and leaning in…
I do not have the strength within myself to heal my heart or to turn my life right side up. He knows that and will be with me to the extent that I invite Him in. I need all of Him to fill all of my empty spaces, so I am swinging the door of my heart open 100%. Life is hard enough, I don’t want to be what is standing in the way of His love and goodness reaching me. Even in my sorrow and grief, I yield my heart to Jesus. I surrender all. Not my will, but Yours be done.
Eyes on Jesus — Tami Sorenson Gaupp